Kevin Spacey Finally Comes Out… To Say That All Gays Are Child Molesters

October 30, 2017
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Well it's about damn time! After decades of speculation, Kevin Spacey has finally come out to proudly say that all homosexuals are child molesters. See, it does get better! Unless you're a fourteen-year-old Broadway ingenue that is. Okay, story time. It all started when the now forty-six-year-old Anthony Rapp opened up to Buzzfeed News about the time Spacey made sexual advances towards him when he was working on Broadway as a young teen. After inviting Rapp to an adults-only party, the then twenty-six-year-old Spacey cornered him and made advances towards him:

My memory was that I thought, Oh, everybody's gone. Well, yeah, I should probably go home. My impression when he came in the room was that he was drunk. He picked me up like a groom picks up the bride over the threshold. But I don't, like, squirm away initially, because I'm like, 'What's going on?' And then he lays down on top of me.

Rapp then goes on to state that he had to physically remove himself from Spacey's thirsty grasp, and that he eventually made his way out of the apartment. With Spacey following him all the way to the door.

So, these are the allegations against Spacey that have been swirling around in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal, and with an insane amount of pressure for so many different reasons for the long-speculated gay Spacey to come out with an official statement, he queefed this hot ass mess:

I have a lot of respect and admiration for Anthony Rapp as an actor. I’m beyond horrified to hear his story. I honestly do not remember the encounter, it would have been over 30 years ago. But if I did behave then as he describes, I owe him the sincerest apology for what would have been deeply inappropriate drunken behavior, and I am sorry for the feelings he describes having carried with him all these years.
This story has encouraged me to address other things about my life. I know that there are stories out there about me and that some have been fueled by the fact that I have been so protective of my privacy. As those closest to me know, in my life I have had relationships with both men and women. I have loved and had romantic relationships with men throughout my life, and I choose now to live as a gay man. I want to deal with this honestly and openly and that starts with examining my own behavior.

Jesus now I feel bad for making fun of the pervy CW execs. They were just being gay! Tiny boys for everyone! Honestly, after decades of keeping his wanting taint in the closet, I cannot believe this is how Spacey decided to come out of the closet. To defend himself against allegations of child molestation. Frank Underwood would appreciate the spin, but this is real life grl. Spacey's response is being met with all kinds of opposition on Twitter, especially from gay celebrities who no doubt are having major WTF moments.

Nope to Kevin Spacey's statement. Nope. There's no amount of drunk or closeted that excuses or explains away assaulting a 14-year-old child.
— Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) October 30, 2017

That Kevin Spacey statement. Nope. Absolutely not. Nope.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) October 30, 2017

Kevin Spacey: My sexuality is none of your biz.
Anthony Rapp: Kevin Spacey assaulted me when I was 14.
Kevin Spacey: I’m a proud gay man!
— Lara (@LarzMarie) October 30, 2017

Deeply, deeply unwise framing of this Kevin Spacey story, esp. as it relates to the conflation of sexual orientation and sexual assault.
— Boodak Yellow (@BroderickGreer) October 30, 2017

So, what do you guys make of this? My unpopular opinion is that all men in Hollywood in power over a certain age have probably made unwanted advances towards underage people. Yeah, the truth hurts! It's a gross unregulated industry that's basically been one teen sex party for over a century. Maybe now it will stop now that more of the seedy underbelly is coming to light. Hopefully some of you can help clear up some of this mess for us in the comments below!