Joe Has Biggest Jonas Dick, Steals Armpit Glory From Nick!

^Thief

I honestly don't even know what's happening anymore, and there's so much to cover with the inundation of Joe Jonas news today, so just hold on to your meat. Joe Jonas busted out his "Body Moves" music video with his band DNCE, and he's actually hot in it, and he flat out hijacks little bro Nick Jonas' armpit hair move, and it's a day up in here. 

As many of you know, Nick Jonas came down from heaven on a glorious gay baiting cloud mobile, and ever since has teased many a gay dick with his flawlessness, and flashed many an armpit hair, chest hair, and yes, upper ass beard hair. I knew that one of the Jonas Brothers looked like he should be asking you three riddles before crossing over a bridge, and I knew that the other looked like Sanjaya. I didn't give them much attention because Nick provided all the NUTrients I needed. That is, until the release of this fucking "Body Moves" music video starring Joe Jonas, as well as his suggestive Reddit AMA where he pimps out said video.

I want to note that the buildup to this increased Joe coverage was aided by a shameless shirtless Instagram picture, which is EXACTLY what Nick Jonas did before he skyrocketed to mid-tier pop star fame. Now Joe is getting dicks wet with a hot music video and some outrageously suggestive comments on his Reddit AMA. He's stealing Nick's career! 

^{Nick Jonas in 2013 and Joe Jonas in 2016}

As well as my heart? Joe Jonas is either shirtless or showing off his guns throughout the entire "Body Moves" music video, and yes, in one scene he canoodles with a chick with his armpit hair out and proud. His fatal flaw is that the rest of his body is bone dry of hair in the vid, but he kind of makes it work. As if the hot shirtless action in the music video wasn't enough, here are the dick teasing comments he had for the Reddit community:

On if he has the biggest dick in the Jonas household:

I like to think so. Although, it’s not often that I’m in a locker room or shower with my brothers, so I couldn’t really tell you. But, I’d like the Internet to believe that I’m still killin’ it.

On the semi erection he got while filming "Body Moves":

There was definitely some half chubbing going on during the video. I wouldn’t say a full blown boner, but I would say a haflie. I mean it’s kind of hard not to in that situation especially when you’re trying to be intimate.”

On selling out former girlfriend Ashley Greene to get media attention, aka on losing his virginity to Ashley Greene:

I didn’t have any condoms. So I went to our drummer Jack’s room — who was my roommate at the time — and I demolished his room looking for them. [I] found them underneath his underwear drawer. When he came home, he thought somebody broke into his room because his whole room was demolished. I was in dire need. Needed to happen then and now. Safety first, kids.

And finally, on his man crushes:

I have had multiple Daniel Craig birthday cakes in my life. One was a photo of him coming out of the water from Casino Royale, and they made it into a cake. Obviously, Matthew McConaughey is one too. I think he's the man. So, between those two, there's a lot of man crushing going on.

Thankfully he sucks at gay baiting. Check out the entire "Body Moves" music video below! I hate him and I love him and just ahhh!

Via People and Instagram