Nudity To Distract From ‘American Horror Story: Hotel’ Premiere

October 9, 2015
HIS_EXCELLENCY

After a year of anticipation, casting speculations, and terrifying Tumblr fan art the new season of American Horror Story is upon us. With last year's pretty much universally disliked Freak Show, which followed the polarizing Coven, this was the time to fine tune AHS and reintroduce winning elements that made it such a hit during seasons one (Murder House) and two (Asylum).

American Horror Story: Hotel

Now that the first episode of the fifth season, Hotel, is out the verdict is in, and let's just say it produced the funniest headline I've read. Actually, the funniest headline I've ever read is Scientists Find a Ring of Debris Around Uranus, which although fabricated still makes me laugh since seeing it on the internet in 7th grade. While today is not about Uranus, it is about something that stinks, and Vanity Fair DGAF when it came to titling their review for the new AHS season. It goes: 'American Horror Story: Hotel' Isn't Trash - It's Garbage. Hahahaha! Ideally the show would live up to its promise of being trashy - self aware, scandalous, a guilty pleasure - but I think they should embrace the new status of garbage and run with it! I hope next season they graduate to full blown landfill. Go big or go home.

General consensus for the new season is that producer Ryan Murphy is sacrificing any sort of cohesive plot in lieu of a succession of self-indulgent visually jarring but vapid scenes. FX gave Ryan a long leash, and he said "Fuck it. Lady Gaga, Matt Bomer, and I are going to make a season-long music video and you can suck my cream pie." Or something.

We can't get too mad at Murphy for running American Horror Story into the ground, because he's doing a pretty good job at turning it into American Horny Story, and who needs to have quality programming when you can have a screen full of butts? Here are some of the best man holes so far from AHS to help us forget how crappy this season is going to be.