Sorry, I Can’t Hear You Over The Sound Of Your GIANT PENIS

We all want a bigger penis. Hell, even Long Dong Silver probably wanted a bigger penis. This story from Vice (link below) chronicles the tale of one man's quest to get a bigger penis at any cost, including what essentially amounts to self mutilation via silicon injections. It's an interesting tale, provided you first steel your nerves.

In case you couldn't make it through that 13 minute video, the basic gist is that this guy was dissatisfied with the size of his penis and so he tried several methods to increase it. First he went the penis pump route, but the effect only lasted a day or so. Then came saline injections, which also only helped for 48 hours at the most. Then he did some research and discovered a doctor who did silicone injections, similar to breast implants, but he didn't feel like paying the hefty price tag so he did what anyone would do in that situation. He hung up his dream of having a bigger penis and moved on with his life. 

I'm just kidding, he got a med school student to basically steal the professional's method and do the injections right there in the dude's apartment. This has now given him a penis that is essentially equivalent to Hulk Hogan's world famous "24 inch pythons," measuring nine inches in length and three inches in width.

I'll admit that it was fun watching him ride the subway in a pair of Zubaz, looking like he just stole a bowling ball, but I just don't understand this. The dude all but admits that it's virtually impossible for him to have sex, and that the easier method of sexual contact that basically involves a partner fucking his foreskin does nothing to arouse him. 

Life is pretty miserable, so I can't fault him for doing something that brings him confidence and joy, but even he sounds like he got more than he bargained for...

How does your penis affect your sex life?

After you reach a certain size, you can't do certain things any more. At least not with everyone and not without some foreplay. But there are other things you can do with it. 

You just have to free yourself from established roles and hardened ideas about sex and be ready to play. I've been told that my penis looks like an ass or a mouth from the front.

I just don't get this. Can someone help me understand this whole thing? Please. All I can think of is UCB's Little Donny...

Via Vice