Something Wrong in New James Rodriguez Calvin Klein Ads

James Rodriguez Bald and Bulgy for Calvin Klein

Justin Bieber has passed the Calvin Klein bulge torch to gorgeous footballer James Rodriguez for the company's Fall 2016 campaign. While this tan adonis' visible penis outline out visible penis outlines Bieber by a mile, the gorgeous athlete's armpit's were tragically a causality of the David Beckham and Cristiano Ronaldo-led footballer armpit hair cataclysm! Even though in his Calvin Klein ad Justin's pits looked more mom-at-a-grocery-store than fully grown, at least there was something. Starting to realize that Calvin Klein really hates pit hair.  

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Say it ain't so! After some digging, it looks like the Columbian footballer, 24, doesn't go a day without attacking his armpits with a razor, and when I try to Google anything to the contrary all the Internet throws in my face is actress Michelle Rodriguez's hairy pits in a bikini. Not what I had in mind! 

Okay, I'll stop. Aside from the aggressively bald underarms, James Rodriguez has a ridiculously flat stomach, perfect skin, gorgeous face, and a bulge that I don't think any of us would kick out of bed. For the Fall 2016 #MyCalvins campaign he joins fellow celebrities Zoë Kravitz, Margot Robbie, and Bella Hadon't. 

We need to link armpits with Nick Jonas and Zayn Malik and have a seance to bring back James Rodriguez' armpit hair for good! Check out all the pics in the gallery.