Orlando Bloom’s Itchy Ass Crack Is Your Gain

July 14, 2016
HIS_EXCELLENCY

I've Got the Dipping Sauce for that Bloomin' Onion

Wait, what? Yesterday Orlando Bloom was photographed on the beaches of Malibu looking sexy as hell while only wearing some navy blue board shorts, and some jewelry, because when you've been in every blockbuster franchise of the 2000's you get yourself something pretty. I don't blame him one bit!

But wait, there's more! After showing off his back muscles and perf tan in his come hither contrapposto stance to that salivating broseph, the Elizabethtown actor stuck his fingers up his crack / grundle area to allegedly scratch an itch! Stars, they're just like us!

Fresh off the heals of the last Hobbit movie and prepping to perform CPR on Johnny Depp's career in the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie, it's amazing that we don't hear more from the complete stud. It actually took a divorce from Miranda Kerr to get his name out there. Fun fact about her: In some nutrition video that my friends and I ADORE, Miranda tells viewers that if you drink warm water with lemon in the morning you'll basically take a huge dump. She dispenses this information with a little smile that says like, "I have my plumber on speed dial."

I think I'm beginning to realize why Orlando Bloom doesn't really make the blogs. IDK what the fuck to say about him! He has a hat in some of these pictures.