Cristiano Ronaldo’s Crotch Is Better Than The Best Orgasm You Ever Had

Seven seconds into this teaser trailer for Ronaldo's upcoming Armani Jeans commercial, the unbelievably ripped Italian soccer player takes a step forward and his muscular thigh jiggles ever so slightly. That's all we needed. We are sexually satisfied forever.

We don't know why, exactly, a commercial needs a teaser trailer, or why you would make a commercial for a commercial. Whatever. We cannot possibly attempt to deconstruct capitalist anti-logic when we have the image of Cristiano Ronaldo's jiggling soccer thighs playing on loop in our heads over and over and over again. Goodness, maybe this teaser trailer is a good thing after all. We don't know if we could take in the overwhelming force of Ronaldo's sexy for more than a few seconds at a time. The full commercial comes out in the middle of next week, and we're almost afraid to watch.

· Regardez Cristiano Ronaldo enfiler... un Jeans Armani (acausedesgarcons.com)