Valentine’s Day Gets Even More Grossly Consumeristic In The Weirdest Area

January 30, 2009
BRIAN-O-BRIEN

Yes, that area is your crotch. Thanks to fancy underwear companies targeting the male (read gay) audience, we have some new ways to express our ~~lust~~ love this February 14.

First up is Ginch Gonch, the Canadian underwear company that caters to real men who want to wear knickers that resemble Underoos. They're helping you get your heart on with, well, boxers, briefs, and jocks with hearts on them. Oh, and they have another style with a mouth on the crotch (but the lips look a little feminine/"Rocky Horror Picture Show" for our taste).

Our favorite people on God's green earth, the Australians, are also getting in on the heart-shaped boxer bandwagon. AussieBum is trying to sell you (or, actually, women with easily-swayed husbands) a pair of shorts that look almost like the ones with little hearts that Elmer Fudd would be so embarrassed to be wearing whenever Bugs Bunny would pull his pants down.

We're not really into having stars in our garters, but if these companies are going to try to keep getting us into their crazy skivvies, we're super glad that they're doing it with unbelievably hot guys.