Taint Go Bye Bye: Alexander Skarsgård Dripping In Tight Shorts

: News Photos Of #AlexanderSkarsgard in Capri, Italy - June 23, 2017 (Via: @JustJared) pic.twitter.com/pTzYCQe91n

— Alex Skarsgård Love (@Skarsgard_Love) June 23, 2017

Alexander Skarsgård looks so delicious in these new poolside pics taken in Italy that I really am planning a funeral for my taint. Poor thing couldn't take it! The wake will be attended by everyone my taint's ever met, so, three people. 

The 40-year-old Skarsgård looks like the Swedish God of Splooge while getting out of the pool in some uh-dorable tight green shorts. After some close inspection, I still don't know if I can officially use the sacred word of the Gay Internet world - "bulge" - but I can say that the clingy fabric accentuates Alexander's thighs something special. This boy is really testing my patients if he's wearing underwear underneath these shorts. Little asshole.  

Is something else of his that I would like to see. In these pictures, Skarsgård looks gloriously sun-kissed and his body looks like it could belong to a twenty-five-year-old. As a gay man I don't know whether to despise people as gorgeous as Alexander or make them the deity of a new cult-like religion that'll get its own TLC series. Lord knows I'd get in the prayer position for this bitch. Okay, sorry if your taint doesn't make it.

A post shared by Alexander Skarsgård Fan page (@stuckonskarsgard) on Jun 23, 2017 at 8:19am PDT