We never got to go to camp, but we didn’t miss it that much. Who needs to learn how to row a canoe, build a campfire, and make a necklace out of macaroni. Well, we never knew camp was this sexy.

Ugh, hiking. Who wants to go hiking? It’s so hard and sweaty and off in the middle of nowhere without any internet or porn access. Sounds boring! Not if you do it like this guy.

The weather is getting warmer and we want to do just about everything outside. But the thing we really can’t wait to do is jerk off at the beach. Sunstrokin here has certainly got a head start on us and made one of the sexiest, most romantic, and downright gorgeous

Today is the official start of spring. The days are getting longer, the weather is getting warmer, and the boys are getting hornier. What better way to celebrate than jerking off on the beach!

OK, it’s not really him, but here is a sexy,…

We’re not quite sure who wannabe internet…

On such a winter’s day, we get all Mamas and…

We’re used to seeing our old friend…

This outdoor scene has everything: birds…

When you hear about getting back to nature it…

We love porn movies where guys get fucked in nature or public, because it’s so much fun to do, but so hard to accomplish. We give kudos to this guy, who is working the nature preserve to the, er, bone.

Yes, apparently this bottom, who is precariously perched on a deck over a pond that is overgrown with all sorts of green sludgy nonsense, is getting fucked at a nature preserve. This one must be either really slow or off-season or something, because there is no sixth grade class being scarred for life in the background. And as fun as it looks to be nearly naked and getting fucked in the great outdoors, we hope he doesn’t get pounded so hard he winds up in the drink. No amount of ass is worth falling into something that looks like a set from “Creature from the Black Lagoon.”

While looking for reruns of our crabby obsession “Deadliest Catch,” we happened upon “After the Attack”—and were seized, not by a wild animal, but by wild lust for its hunky host Dave Salmoni.

While he doesn’t bare as much as Bear Grylls, there’s definitely some revealing footage of this beautiful bushwacker out there from his various and sundried nature programs over the years. This Canadian (don’t hold it against him) is an expert on wild predators, and hosts several shows on Discovery and Animal Planet including “Rogue Nature” and “Into the Lion’s Den.”

Now, we love the beauty of nature and all that crap, but, come on, those documentary shows are so much easier to watch when you have a really gorgeous man discussing the topic. We think that Discovery not only knows this, but looks for hot zoologists so they can lure the gays in with their eye candy. Yep: they’re the predators, and we’re the prey. And if Dave Salmoni wants to put us in his mouth, who are we to stop him?

XTube is often like the Discovery Channel: there are wild animals doing strange things to their bodies, grunting, fulfilling their most primitive instincts. This video—and the many others by JonasNuwear—takes it a step further.

He goes up into his tree house and calls to order a secret society of one where the only item on the bill is punchin’ the munchkin. The pastoral setting is a nice touch and makes this as much porn as a travel video for whatever rural community this guy lives in. Anyway, Jonas (who appears to have not have any brothers) puts on a great show in the wild that would be a great addition to Discovery.

No, this is not the fossilized schlong of a long-dead woolly mammoth, nor the preserved remains of legendary super-schtupper John Holmes: ladies and gentlemen, is a mollusk. And according to people who know about such things, that’s all it is.

On the one hand, we think it’s great that Galaxia Entertainment is giving scent its due: in porn, and in film generally, smell is the most underused of the five senses. It’s a hard thing to convey, much less to package, and apart from John Waters’ “Polyester” we can’t think of anyone who’s mined its potential. (No, Mary: Colt’s occasional inclusion of “leather cleaner” in its DVD screener packages doesn’t count.)

Six things we can assume about Jocks Studios’ “Roadtrip, Volume 3: Yosemite” after perusing the box cover for 15 seconds, give or take: 1. There are men involved. 2. Those men are in a park. Possibly Yosemite National Park, but that’s just a guess. 3. The men are naked. 4.

Studio 2000 departs from its usual production formula—and apparently, its usual copywriting team—with the new release “Cabin Fever.”

You can keep all those Daniel…