Usually, we have a slew of pithy annotations or semi-clever rhymes to spice up our weekly brew of naked Guys with iPhones. This week–*sigh*–we’re plum tuckered out. Don’t kill us, comment instead!

Having done our time on Grindr and Manhunt, we’ve seen hundreds of cock shots. After a while a dick is a dick is a dick…unless, you find that one penis that has “It.” A Tumblr photo blog we stumbled upon has just that sort of star penis. It’s not what you’d expect.

Hola and HOLLA, Papi! For all you amigos out there hungry for thick, spicy chorizo, here’s a menu of Latin men guaranteed to set your taste buds en fuego. Manhattan nightclub sexpot and musicmaker Cazwell stars in a sweet ass music video that’s an homage to Latin lovers. We’ve got it first!

Hold the phone! It’s coming true!
Guys with iPhones called for you!
You always knew just you’d do.
And if you didn’t, here’s a clue…

We are not really morning people. No, the only thing we want to do first thing in the morning is roll over and go back to sleep. But maybe if we had a huge, hard cock to roll onto?

All you sci-fi queens, it’s time to take off on the rocket ship of sex. If ever you’ve fantasized about fucking on the space set of Kubrick’s “2001″ or get a woody thinking about getting homo in the world of “Barbarella,” then we’ve got a porn scene to satisfy your futuristic fetish.

Why has it taken us so damn long to write about Donny Wright?! Learning the news that the olive-skinned, jaw-dropping beauty has just signed an Exclusive Contract with Next Door Studios has us thinking of a triple X, uplifting version of “Death of a Salesman”: Attention must be paid!

For all of us who came of age in the ’90s the only Columbians you ever heard about were Juan Valdez, the coffee farmer, and cocaine cartel members. These guys are Columbians and, wow, Juan Valdez sure got really hot.

Next time we order tapas, we’d like a serving of David Dirdam and Adrian Toledo. StagHomme.comand DominicFord.com, these two Spanish hunks export hot sex in glorious 3D. Waiter, we’d like a second plate.

Who is Charly Diaz? Well, he’s a super hot Latino porn star. Never heard of him? Well, let’s change that!

Waiter, we’ll take a giant serving of today’s soup, please. Pour it all in a swimming pool, and once you add the South American seasoning, hand us our napkin — we’re ready to dive right in. No spoon needed. This pool is filled with Brazilian bouillon, splashing about. Lucky the cameraman who caught all the action.

Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo, where folks get wasted on Corona and margaritas in the name of Mexican heritage, regardless of what culture they are. For us, it’s a celebration of Latin men from Mexico to Argentina. It doesn’t matter where they’re from, as long as they ooze machismo. Here’s where you can find your Latino stud.

We’re the type of queen who, whenever on vacation, shamelessly takes just as many photos of unsuspecting hot shirtless men as we do of the official tourist sights. When it comes to local attractions, we’re usually attracted to the locals. Of course, we’re not alone. Here’s a site we’ve stumbled upon where some leering gays post the oblivious he-man hotness they’ve caught of camera.

You read right. Sexkid pornstar Nicco Sky removes an article of clothing for each question answered during an interctive video survey about your sexual practices. Even if you say you’re an 18-year-old white WeHo transexual when you’re really a 35-year-old Native American woman, answer the questions and relish in the tease.

Because you are dying to know. Although it could have been filmed anytime from last week to months ago, a new sex scene has been released starring Harry Louis, the pornstar amoroso of famed designer Marc Jacobs. When the Brazilian-loving fashion mogul puts his filthy rich ass in the air, here’s the hard pounding it gets.

If we checked into a motel that magically traveled in a 1970s world of 35mm film, we’d want to wind up in this video, with this sultry Latino who’s wearing this kinky pube-revealing underwear.

…along with every other type of man meat available. Looking at the group of men snapping instant self-portraits, our mouth starts watering, our loins start grumbling, and we crave to get our lips around all that juicy, plump manflesh. Come…check out our selection.

Stop cockteasing us, Márcio and Marcos Patriota! You already filmed the steamiest softcore video of the year together. Must you relentlessly flaunt your hotness and strange/sexy attraction towards each other in our faces? Act on it, for the love of God! Give in to your desires.

Or should we say ass-up? This week’s guys have some of the most amazing penises we’ve seen on the site in a while. They’re delicious, cunning, dangerous. If we’re not careful, they’ll send us into a stupor drunk with lust. Each reminds us of a cocktail from our more debauched days.

The rumors from last year are true. Marc Jacob is, in fact, now dating Brazilian pornstar Harry Louis. The Latin-loving designer was spotted all over Brazil smooching his newest Triple X lover. Pornstars love Marc Jacobs (and his money)!