Usually, we have a slew of pithy annotations or semi-clever rhymes to spice up our weekly brew of naked Guys with iPhones. This week–*sigh*–we’re plum tuckered out. Don’t kill us, comment instead!

If brought to trial for loving smut,
It’s clear our case is Open-Shut.
Guys with iPhones help us bust a nut,
No “ifs” or “ands,” but lots of butt.

Hold the phone! It’s coming true!
Guys with iPhones called for you!
You always knew just you’d do.
And if you didn’t, here’s a clue…

Not to get base
In our naked boy chase,
But our hormones are stuck
On guys we’d like to fuck.

Our love for schlong
Makes us stand strong.

With Guys With iPhones,
We can’t go wrong.

It’s no secret, we like dick.
Skinny, stubby, long or thick.

Morning sex has been on our minds recently. After morning sex, comes breakfast…if you like the dude. In this week’s parade of iPhone photo-snapping men, here’s the menu we’d serve to start off the day. Each of these men mean a well-balanced breakfast indeed!

…along with every other type of man meat available. Looking at the group of men snapping instant self-portraits, our mouth starts watering, our loins start grumbling, and we crave to get our lips around all that juicy, plump manflesh. Come…check out our selection.

Breathe in the rejuvenating spring air! What is that refreshing fragrance? You may think it’s all the budding flowers spreading their perfumed aromas. But, no, it’s the scent of Man giving off the wondrous odor from his masculine flowers.

Or should we say ass-up? This week’s guys have some of the most amazing penises we’ve seen on the site in a while. They’re delicious, cunning, dangerous. If we’re not careful, they’ll send us into a stupor drunk with lust. Each reminds us of a cocktail from our more debauched days.

As seasoned patrons of the symphony and opera, we love the sound of the live orchestra — full, lush, and tickling the pleasure points in our brains. Naked men do the same thing (Duh!). We’ve always had a kinky fantasy of watching a group of nude hunks playing musical instruments. We’ve found our men. Now we’ll tell you the instruments.

Not to be alarmist, but in a world where possibly everything could harm us, is it true that Guys with iPhones could do the same? This week’s lot looks particularly perilous, from carrying concealed weapons to getting fetished out in full-fledged end of the world gear. Get ready to arm ourselves with lubes, condoms, and a libido that won’t quit, because we challenge these dangerous hotties and come out alive (and basking in afterglow).

Don’t look up their sleeves! Trickery is on the minds of Guys with iPhones. A series of photos are like watching magical optical illusions, making us look twice to see if our eyes are deceiving us. Or being enchanted when something, like a rock hard cock — Presto! — appears out of thin air! Sit back, relax, and enter the Magic Castle of Porn, where getting off is all about slight of lubed-up hand.

Or at least they think so. They’re acting damn coy enough. This week, our Guys with iPhones may be posing buck naked in their bathroom mirrors, but they’re keeping themselves oh, so slyly covered up. No one must confuse them with cheap sluts, after all. They only show a peek of their shaft, a glimpse of the balls, a hint of pubes. The rest is left to our imagination. Boy, does it run wild.

Now that we’re at the tail end of winter, our minds are wandering towards our summer vacation. What would be better than an old fashioned road trip across the good ol’ U.S. of A.? Since we’re ramping up this election year, 2012 is the time to become one with the home of the brave, and the natural wonders we can discover from sea to shining sea.

Somewhere over the rainbow lie Guys with iPhones, who this week are wearing accessories as bright and bold as the colors we love waving during pride parades. These honchos are letting their true colors shine through, on t-shirts, jock straps, cum rags and cock rings. Bring all these boys together, and–voilà–we’ve got Joseph and his Technicolor Dreamcoat.

Despite years of ogling Guys with iPhones, it never crossed our minds what their sexual predilections might be. Are they gay? Straight? What sex act do they like best? Do they love rimming? Are they tops or bottoms? Well, today, we’re gonna take a guess as to who are tops and who are bottoms. Join us as we figure out who prefers pitching and who likes to catch.

Are you still full of woe because you didn’t have a Valentine last night? Did you wake up alone wishing you could have had mad, passionate sex like all your coupled friends? Worry no more, Guys with iPhones is your newest dating site to cruise for single studs to bed.

One of Wednesday’s great joys is searching for fully nekked Guys with iPhones. This week brings men who are more dick focused than the average horndog. Instead of just posing for the camera, they’re trying to get their rock offs, too. From jerking-off to using cockrings, these boys have their packages hard and stimulated.

Our cherished Guys with iPhones better watch…