Usually, we have a slew of pithy annotations or semi-clever rhymes to spice up our weekly brew of naked Guys with iPhones. This week–*sigh*–we’re plum tuckered out. Don’t kill us, comment instead!

If brought to trial for loving smut,
It’s clear our case is Open-Shut.
Guys with iPhones help us bust a nut,
No “ifs” or “ands,” but lots of butt.

Ladyfolk have historically complained about whistles from burly urban construction workers. Gay men, however, would probably love it…if only the workers were cute. A British company named “Buff Builders” provides handymen so sexy that you’d whistle right back.

You ever go to a gay bar and see one of those impossibly hot couples and you think, “Man, I don’t want to touch, I just want to go home with those guys and watch them have sex.” Finally, we get that shot thanks to the internet.

Hold the phone! It’s coming true!
Guys with iPhones called for you!
You always knew just you’d do.
And if you didn’t, here’s a clue…

You know in NASCAR qualifying rounds (yes, we’re that butch) where they have the pace car that sets the pace the racers have to beat? Well, this video has one too, but the guys are fucking way faster than the pace. Slow down!

Not to get base
In our naked boy chase,
But our hormones are stuck
On guys we’d like to fuck.

Our love for schlong
Makes us stand strong.

With Guys With iPhones,
We can’t go wrong.

It’s no secret, we like dick.
Skinny, stubby, long or thick.

In most wanking clips the central activity is, of course, the wanking. Not for this hot New York City boy. He’s so busy multitasking by the time he finally gets to his dick, we’re dying for it.

There’s the military flick, the leather bondage extravaganza, the all-boy bukkake, and, of course, the gang bang, but there is one genre of porn flick we love more than all the rest: the public transport jack-off.

Sometimes you just want to watch a couple of guys who are having a really good time getting it on. This is one of those times and, boy, is it a marathon. We’re not sure how this hot daddy and little twink got together (Grindr? Bathhouse? J-Date?) but we’re glad

Morning sex has been on our minds recently. After morning sex, comes breakfast…if you like the dude. In this week’s parade of iPhone photo-snapping men, here’s the menu we’d serve to start off the day. Each of these men mean a well-balanced breakfast indeed!

What turns us on should not perplex.
Meet the men we want to sex.

When superheros like Spider-Man jump on buildings and railings catching villains, contorting their bodies in alluring ways, we wish we had X-Ray vision to peer right through those skintight outfits. Here’s a glimpse of what we’d see.

…along with every other type of man meat available. Looking at the group of men snapping instant self-portraits, our mouth starts watering, our loins start grumbling, and we crave to get our lips around all that juicy, plump manflesh. Come…check out our selection.

Breathe in the rejuvenating spring air! What is that refreshing fragrance? You may think it’s all the budding flowers spreading their perfumed aromas. But, no, it’s the scent of Man giving off the wondrous odor from his masculine flowers.

Here’s a rather curious video of two (presumably) extremely drunk (presumably) straight young UK blokes ripping off each other clothes during a (presumably) late night bar brawl. The two drunkards are sexy enough, but you know who is really piquing our curiosity: the bi-curious cameraman.

Or should we say ass-up? This week’s guys have some of the most amazing penises we’ve seen on the site in a while. They’re delicious, cunning, dangerous. If we’re not careful, they’ll send us into a stupor drunk with lust. Each reminds us of a cocktail from our more debauched days.

As seasoned patrons of the symphony and opera, we love the sound of the live orchestra — full, lush, and tickling the pleasure points in our brains. Naked men do the same thing (Duh!). We’ve always had a kinky fantasy of watching a group of nude hunks playing musical instruments. We’ve found our men. Now we’ll tell you the instruments.