While looking for reruns of our crabby obsession “Deadliest Catch,” we happened upon “After the Attack”—and were seized, not by a wild animal, but by wild lust for its hunky host Dave Salmoni.

While he doesn’t bare as much as Bear Grylls, there’s definitely some revealing footage of this beautiful bushwacker out there from his various and sundried nature programs over the years. This Canadian (don’t hold it against him) is an expert on wild predators, and hosts several shows on Discovery and Animal Planet including “Rogue Nature” and “Into the Lion’s Den.”

Now, we love the beauty of nature and all that crap, but, come on, those documentary shows are so much easier to watch when you have a really gorgeous man discussing the topic. We think that Discovery not only knows this, but looks for hot zoologists so they can lure the gays in with their eye candy. Yep: they’re the predators, and we’re the prey. And if Dave Salmoni wants to put us in his mouth, who are we to stop him?

If you haven’t noticed, there is something about guys getting it on in the woods that really gets to us. Not only is it natural and liberating, but it is really hard to pull off.

First of all you have to lug all that equipment out into God knows where along with your condoms, lube, poppers, double headed dildos, and other supplies. Then you have to keep making sure the coast is clear so that you don’t get attacked by bears (helpful hint: they love the smell of Astroglide, so stick to Wet when you’re in the wild). Taping a bedroom fuck, that is for sissies, and you would think that taping your sexcapades while hiking would be dykey, but it’s not! We like to watch real men fuck, which is why we love this it’s—so butch.

We’ve got Bear Grylls on the brain. After posting a dirty clip inspired by the “Man vs. Wild” host the other day, we’ve moved on to some naked footage of the real deal.

Actually, QueerClick helped with our Grylls fixation (it usually only helps to get us hard, but this works too), by posting a slew of naked pics of him yesterday. They even got the full monty.

We decided to go for some of our favorite footage from the Discovery Channel show and, as always, YouTube provides. The first clip is him stripping off for a dip in the jungle. The clip below is the really harrowing one where he gets naked in Siberia, swims across a river, and then gets dressed again on the other side. He even makes a little joke about how he’s afraid of getting frost bite in the “family jewels.” We would make a joke about Bear being so hot he heats up Siberia, but that shit is just way too cold!

We have a bit of an unhealthy obsession with the Discovery Channel and when we first say this clip, we could swear that one of the network’s stars was giving head in the woods.

That would be just like Bear Grylls, the host of “Man Vs. Wild,” who happens to have the gayest name ever. On the show, he is stranded out in the wild and has to do whatever it takes to survive. In this “episode” we can imagine he is out in the Brambles of Central Park and some guy jumped out of the bushes and said, “Suck my dick or die!” Hey, it could happen—the Big Apple is a tough town! Even though this clearly isn’t the Bear, it is a bear sucking dick in the woods, and that’s always good enough for us. Now, if only we could find a naughty movie starring Mike Rowe.

XTube is often like the Discovery Channel: there are wild animals doing strange things to their bodies, grunting, fulfilling their most primitive instincts. This video—and the many others by JonasNuwear—takes it a step further.

He goes up into his tree house and calls to order a secret society of one where the only item on the bill is punchin’ the munchkin. The pastoral setting is a nice touch and makes this as much porn as a travel video for whatever rural community this guy lives in. Anyway, Jonas (who appears to have not have any brothers) puts on a great show in the wild that would be a great addition to Discovery.