Remember the last time you looked at an underwear advertisement? It’s a little like watching commercials for Herpes medication—everyone seems a little too excited about whatever’s going on. Wearing underwear around the house can’t be that fun, right? What would happen if you just beat the hell out of models and forced them into wearing a pair of sexy skivvies?

They say good things come in threes, and dicks are no exception—although when it comes to dick, we prefer “the more, the merrier!” Gay man discovered double penetration around the same time straight man discovered fire, so why has it taken this long for Randy Blue to jump on the double-dicked bandwagon? Rival studio Corbin Fisher received some mixed reviews after their first DP scene a couple years ago, so maybe Mr. Blue was just playing it safe. Safe is boring.

Remember when you visited us last week and rubbed one out when we showed you Benjamin Godfre and his squeaky-clean ride? There’s been talk of this deity moving into the gay-for-pay biz by shooting a scene for Falcon (and, my god, they even released his model photos a month ago), but we’re happy to announce the day has finally come. Ooh baby, heaven is a place on Earth. Definitely.

And tell everyone this is a Kanye West jerk-off video that he sent Kim Kardashian. It’s not true. No, it’s not true at all, since obviously this is not Kanye. But he kind of looks like him. A little. If you squint. He’s hot and jerking off, what more do you need? Maybe just thinking he’s an international rap star. That’s fun, isn’t it? It’s like role playing with your porn!