The first offense: Riley’s choice of underwear comes courtesy of American Eagle’s home goods section, because we’re not sure where else you’d buy an American Eagle shower curtain. Straight men think AE’s sassy colors and “edgy” cuts are stylish right now, so they end up purchasing boxer briefs in 20-packs. Assorted colors, of course. And Riley, honey—horizontal stripes don’t work for anyone. Anywhere. And no, they don’t make your dick look bigger.

Earlier this week, Mamma Mia star Dominic Cooper was photographed poolside while on vacation with a wet rat his girlfriend, and yes—he still looks absolutely perfect. We knew he had a nice set of pipes on him, but it’s good to see he’s got a tight bod and killer bulge to match.

The only thing hotter than an aggressive power bottom is an aggressive power bottom that calls up and requests to be pounded by a specific dick. We’ve seen a lot of “______ fucks a fan” videos but this one is definitely going in the Hall of Fame. Kudos to this English lad—there’s a few hot tops we’d like to submit to, we just never thought of asking outright!