Yes, you should have been reading that headline like it’s the lyric to a Paula Abdul song. Not since the future “American Idol” judge danced with MC Skat Cat (that has nothing to do with poop) has a video better illustrated that point.

We’d never get such a cornucopia of peen in a mainstream American flick. But the critically acclaimed French comedy “Poupoupidou” is lousy with cocks. Not only do we get a full on view of the cutie patootie leading man William Gouix’s dick, but a platoon of penises lined up and ready to shoot.

Tah-Dah! Like a Coney Island act, twinky Alex Andrews (whom we’ve been loving lately) takes Sean Xavier’s humongous ebony sword with the greatest of ease, but down his throat and up his ass. Even more amazing, Sean’s dick is so long he takes it himself!

No one’s ever going to deny the pleasures of hardcore sex, but often the power of sexual suggestion can be equally as fraught with erotic tension. The short film “Un chant d’amour (nouveau)” starts off sexier than any prison porn we’ve seen. Two prison inmates tantalizing tease each other by sharing a single cigarette between cell bars. C’mon, boys. Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

The proverbial “strong silent type” always seemed ideal because you want a guy with big muscles but you don’t want him driving you crazy with all that noise. Well, we have finally found our ideal.