We did!

Nobody should be without a sweetheart on Valentine’s Day, so if you’re single like us (and Grindr is down), these kind-hearted pornstars can fill the boyfriend position quite nicely for the next few hours. We just hope these honest candy hearts will convince them to come over for a romantic raunchy Valentine’s fuck.

Levi Karter

We’ve loved Levi Karter from the moment we saw his cute mug splashed across the CockyBoys homepage for his first solo video, but now that we’ve seen the thoughtful Valentine’s gifts he left for boyfriend Evan Parker (below), we’ll stop at nothing to make him ours. The face of a Paraguayan god, the body of a runway model, and the heart of an Ohioan—please love us like you love Evan, and then sit on our face.

Our candy heart: Love me like you love your boyfriend.
· See more of Levi Karter at CockyBoys (CockyBoys.com)

Ben Driver’s Dick

A dick so giant, it has its very own zip code. What’s not to love about the Canadian pile driver’s thick tool? We think Ben is a super-sweet guy and all, but when it comes down to it, we just want to feel that uncut third leg pulsating inside us.

Just look at it go!

Our candy heart: NEED YOU INSIDE ME.
· See more of Ben Driver at GuysInSweatpants (GuysInSweatpants.com)

Donald Glover

Fuck. Have you seen Donald Glover without a shirt? This Valentine is a no-brainer. Not only is Donald fucking Lena Dunham in the current season of Girls, the 29-year-old hunk is also a well-rounded writer, producer, actor, musician and (probably) an amazing fuck. This is one of those times we really wish turning straight men were easier. Guess we’ll just have to wait until he writes himself into an amazing gay love story.

Our candy heart: I can do things your girlfriend can’t.

Gabriel West

You probably won’t recognize Gabriel West—this new Helix exclusive hasn’t debuted yet, but that hasn’t stopped him from already capturing our hearts. We’ve been lapping up his Kool-Aid mostly because an inside source tells us he’s “soooo sweet,” and if he’s half as good in bed as he is at taking photos of himself in the mirror, we’re sold.

Our candy heart: Please cum soon.
· See more of Gabriel West when he debuts at Helix Studios (HelixStudios.com)

Angel Rock

This Valentine is already ours, according to Dominic Ford! Angel Rock, the Cuban god that only cums when he wants to, is starring in a special Valentine’s Day update that includes all these fancy emotional porn photos of Angel inviting you to be his personal valentine. We want it, but we want to be fucked by the cum witch even more.

Our candy heart: Fuck me like a Cum Witch.
· See more of Angel Rock at Dominic Ford (DominicFord.com)

Robbie R

Honestly, have you ever seen someone smile like this when they have a massive rod prodding their butthole? No, you haven’t. That’s because Robbie R genuinely enjoys giant dicks—and who wouldn’t when you have a huge tool of your own? GuysInSweatpants creators Anthony Romero and Austin Wilde have already had a piece of that ass, so who’s gonna make him smile like this again?

Our candy heart: Show me your “fuck me” face.
· See more of Robbie R at GuysInSweatpants (GuysInSweatpants.com)

Follow Bradford Matthews on Twitter

Searching for a special Valentine’s Day gift for the one you love? Feel like you’re wasting away with a shopping basket full of scented body lotion while trying to find a thoughtful gift that’ll spark some romance?

Allow us to cut through all the red tape and let you know exactly what your bottom boyfriend really wants for Valentine’s Day. He just wants to be fucked by a huge dick, feel like a dirty slut, and be used as your cum rag when it’s all finished.

Don’t believe us? Just look at the giant smile Aidan flashes at Sean Cody when he receives the exact same gift from Willis, the new hung top that completely nailed his first hardcore scene yesterday. We’ve seen Joshua and Ryan flash some award-winning smiles in the past, but Aidan makes us wonder if there’s a direct connection between his asshole and his facial expression—this boy cannot contain his excitement, and it shows in every breathtaking shot.

His rugged new build and manicured facial hair make us love Aidan even more than we did before. Frame that face between two hairy, muscular legs, and you—the top—now also have the most perfect Valentine’s Day gift. See how that works? Big dicks and sloppy holes are the gifts that keep on giving, and you don’t even need a boyfriend to watch these two go at it.

· Watch Willis give Aidan a giant dick for Valentine’s Day at Sean Cody (SeanCody.com)

Follow Bradford Matthews on Twitter

Remember the feeling you used to get running down the stairs on Christmas morning to find an excessive amount of free shit gathered just for you in the living room? We didn’t think a feeling could get any better, and then we saw six beautiful men around a Christmas tree, shoving their thick cocks down a whore’s throat. Needless to say, our childhood dreams of Christmas can take a backseat to this.

Like every good site owner that cares for his employees, Mr. Tony is giving the boys gifts this year; site newbie Dayton O’Connor has the honor of handing out everyone’s gift, including the unconventional surprise waiting for Trey Matthews. Trey is on Santa’s naughty list this year, so instead of a video game or decorative soaps, he’s getting six straight dudes to drain their loads in his mouth. We’re not sure why this is a gift for someone that has been naughty—in our opinion, it’s the best gift you could possibly receive.

No drop is wasted as the shirts come off and the jizz starts flowing. Before these “reindeer games” are finished, Trey will be “full of some warm holiday cheer” (aka loads from Colton Long, Adrian, Jay, Jakobee, Santiago, and Dayton.)

So don’t worry; if you haven’t finished your holiday shopping yet, this is an awesome gift for anyone that doesn’t really cost much if you have willing folk.

[Show as slideshow]

· Watch Trey’s Christmas surprise orgy at Dirty Tony (DirtyTony.com)

Follow Bradford Matthews on Twitter

Jimmy Fanz

Jimmy’s wish list isn’t as exotic as others we found, but it has at least a couple things we think Jimmy needs immediately.

1. Take the Lorell Executive High-Back Chair, for instance. Our little pup has been fucked in some precarious positions, and spends a lot of time hunched over, so we’ll rest easy knowing he has proper back support at home. Plus, we want him to feel comfortable when he’s throwing side eyes and pouting during his Randy Blue Live shows.

2. Jimmy also needs the Hohner Blues Band Harmonica 7-Pack with Carrying Case because we think it’s something he’ll actually stick to. After that, he’ll post adorable photos of himself playing the harmonica on Twitter.

3. Get him these Ultra 2013 Tickets. Jimmy’s highest priority is ours.

Duncan Black

Duncan Black’s wishlist says a lot about him, and it’s making us fall in love with him all over again. It reads like a list to Santa from a boy in fifth-grade, and all these video games just prove that Duncan is really just a cute little boy trapped inside a sex god’s body. Here’s what we think you should buy Duncan this year:

1. The Bedroom Mirror Louis Philippe Style in Deep Black Finish. Um, hello. Anything that improves the quality of Duncan Black mirror shots on Twitter would be greatly appreciated.

2. The KattySaks Kittle Litter Box Cover. WTF?

3. Now that he’s dating Bryan Cole, Duncan will need the Bobkona Hungtinton Microfiber/Faux Leather 3-Piece Sectional Sofa Set so they can fuck in the living room. After that, they can play the New Super Mario Bros by Nintendo together. How fucking cute!

Danny Palick

Danny probably doesn’t need anything from you this year because he’s already a zillionaire that collects expensive cars. But just in case you wanted to impress this beautiful stud by showering with things he can already afford, he’ll probably sent you a nice email and sign it with dollar signs.

1. Rolex Mens Stainless Steel Gmt II Black Dial. Who doesn’t need a $9,000 watch? Buy this for Danny Palick, and he’ll probably feel obligated to thank you in person. Plus, he definitely won’t be late for your dinner date this time.

2. We would buy Danny some Nike Shox Deliver Mens Running Shoes, so he can go for a long jog in them, return home, and force us to smell them and lick the soles while he fucks us from behind at a photoshoot.

3. Zillionaires have a lot of enemies, which is probably why Danny will need this Concealable Vest made of Goldflex (kevlar). If a peasant uprising compromises his mansion, 24-car garage, and that cuuuute face, we’ll rest easy knowing he’s got kevlar close to his heart.

Anthony Romero

While scanning through the items on Anthony’s list, we couldn’t help but think about him twisting and squirming in euphoric pleasure with each of these items. To tell you the truth, we imagine Anthony doing everything with the same passion he has for bottoming. We’ll just assume that buying any one of these things for him will somehow give us a positive return on future Anthony Romero erotica.

1. Anthony must have the 7 Piece New Black Bondage Kit BDSM, S&M restraints. You haven’t lived until you’ve experienced Anthony Romero’s kinky side, so this is a must-have item for every room in the house.

2. The Waterpik RPB-173 Drenching Rain Fall Showerhead. Can you imagine Anthony standing under this, jerking off, and posting photos of it on his new website?

3. Heinz Tomato Ketchup, 114-Ounce paired with The Bible for Dummies only because we think they’d spark interesting discussion on Twitter.

King Connor

We can’t believe we’re looking at items that have actually been hand-picked by Corbin Fisher’s Connor. He’s only been on Twitter for a few weeks, and interacting with him has been more surreal and spiritual than watching him creampie Dawson in the CF 9-XXX Workout.

1. Connor loves the Jessica Sanders collection, so we recommend the Jessica Sanders Egyptian Cotton 1500 Thread Count Duvet Cover Set. King size sheets to fit a king size bed, all in the name of King Connor.

2. DO NOT BUY CONNOR Passion Lubes, Premium Silicone Lubricant. We don’t want him to fuck anyone other than filthy cum sluts at Corbin Fisher.

3. Buy Connor the $50 Amazon.com Gift Card with Gift Box so he can buy himself the $50 Yardhouse Gift Card. Then go wait for him at Yardhouse.

Donny Wright

Just like Duncan Black, Donny Wright has an inner kid inside of him. But unlike Duncan Black, Donny is a powerful top that fucked the life out of Jimmy Fanz before destroying Duncan’s own hole in his debut as a Men.com exclusive. He’s also a pothead, and we love him.

1. Mario Kart Wii with Wii Wheel. Fucking adorable! We need photos of Donny playing with this ASAP.

2. When Donny needs a relaxing night in, he’ll probably need this Glass Waterpipe. We absolutely adore potheads, and we’ll probably roll a blunt for Mr. Wright the next time he visits us in New York. Extra-thoughtful gifters should also purchase this four-pound tub of Now and Later Assorted Candies, you know, because he’ll probably need a snack once he’s blazed.

3. Dude. We just got so fucking high with Donny Wright. You should buy him a five-pound bag of Haribo Gummi Candy, Techno Bears, a five-pound bag of Sour Patch Kids Assorted Candy, and a 64-ounce tub of Red Vines Red Original Licorice Twists. Express shipping, please.

Follow Bradford Matthews on Twitter

It’s tough picking the perfect gift for everyone on your holiday shopping list. More often than not, we find ourselves in the middle of a December shopping stampede, clinging to an armful of shopping bags and wondering what the hell any of these people did to deserve gifts this year. When you find yourself in this situation, there’s only one thing to do. You gotta treat yo’ self.

You’re not the first person that’s decided to buy yourself an early Christmas gift, and you certainly won’t be the last. Fortunately, you already know what you want, so you’re not going to be disappointed after you find out what you bought yourself. Gifting porn is the most practical way to treat yo’ self, because it’s something you use every day (don’t lie), and all the scenes you’re going to binge-download will never expire. Isn’t that a thrifty gift?

So let us take the guesswork out of choosing the studio that’s right for you. Just tell us what you’re into, and we’ll tell you which studio will bust your nut the quickest.

Jocks

Jocks Studios: A site name synonymous with its specialty, Jocks Studios is really the holy grail for athletic types and their admirers. Many sites claim to have “jocks,” but we’re not buying it unless they’re in full uniform and wrestling on a mat. Plus, poster boy Jimmy Fanz is reason enough to become a member.

Men.com: Although the megasite doesn’t specialize in jocks, they’re no stranger to suiting up the boys and letting them play rough. With access to six specialty sites, you’re bound to find more than a few jocks roaming around the halls.

Bondage and BDSM

Bound In Public: This is probably the filthiest of gay bondage and BDSM sites. The creators of Bound In Public are serious about heavy bondage, and they’re not afraid to push the envelope further with every new scene. They tie pornstars up and suspend them from the ceiling, walk boys around on leashes, and let serious pigs loose in a room full of sloppy strangers to fuck.

Bound Jocks: You don’t have to be a huge fan of bondage to enjoy the soft shenanigans at Bound Jocks. The boys on this site are less interested in heavy bondage and more interested in light restraints and wild sex toys to help them get off. Best of all, there’s something very sterile about these scenes, which is perfect for those that want bondage without the messy cleanup.

Bareback

Don’t be ashamed! There are plenty of people that will make you feel bad for watching bareback porn, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t an excess of sites that fetishize it. If you’re into big, raw cocks, these sites are your new best friends.

Fraternity X: This site has to be one of the piggiest sites we’ve ever visted. These boys are serious about cum-stuffing and creampies, and will never waste a drop of cum on the floor. Bareback cum sluts inquire within.

Parole Him: Owned by the same company as FraternityX, this site provides all the same filthy, cum guzzling shenanigans, but in a police station. Fuck!

Corbin Fisher: There’s a lot of different themes going on at Corbin Fisher, but if we had to pick just one, we’d put them in the “bareback” category. While not every scene is filmed without condoms, most of their newer content is, and these boys have become some incredibly thirsty cum sluts over time. Fans of extreme bareback deep-dicking should check out Chandler, one of our most favorite big-dicked CF studs.

Treasure Island Media Fuck: You can’t forget Treasure Island if you’re a fan of bareback. Treasure Island is the reigning king of bareback, and they don’t give a fuck what you think about them.

Twinks

Helix Studios: Don’t ever say twink like it’s a bad thing! You may think that all twinks are cunty high school seniors that shade you on Adam4Adam, but that’s only because you haven’t met the Helix boys. Sure, a lot of the boys at Helix Studios are probably twinks, but gems like Max Carter and Chase Young will rock your world. These youngin’s are flexible, insatiable, and serious pigs.

All-American Men

Randy Blue: Tried and true, the boys of Randy Blue probably grew up in your neighborhood. Dudes like Skylar West and Jake Andrews are the definition of “boy next door,” and their non-exclusive roster cycles through some pretty gaymous hunks.

Dominic Ford: An East Coast studio with a West Coast vibe, DF members are treated to the annual So You Think You Can Fuck competition. Say what you want about “reality” porn series, but you can’t argue with the high quality fucking that goes on here.

Falcon Studios: Glamour, honey! Falcon is just glamourous. If you were ever going to do porn, you’d want to bathe yourself in Falcon’s slimming lights, impecable camera control, and five-star cumshots.

Amateurs

Maverick Men: They haven’t been around as long as the Internet, but if we didn’t know any better, we’d assume Cole and Hunter invented amateur porn altogether. After racking up an insane amount of views on their Xtube channel, the happy couple spread their wings and launched one of the hottest amateur websites on the web. Sometimes they fuck pornstars, but their main focus is on snatching boys off the street and filling their sloppy holes with loads of cum. Sound hot? You have to see it to believe it.

Hipster Porn

CockyBoys: Okay, not everyone at CockyBoys is a hipster, but the site is owned and operated by the coolest professional hipsters on Earth, and their creative talents have curated some of the highest-quality hipster porn available. CockyBoys is a lifestyle, and if you’re not into it, you can take a seat.

Dirty Boy Video: Now these guys are real hipsters. Completely clueless boys that fuck on camera for a small amount of money—could anything be hotter than that?

“Everyday” Guys

Chaos Men: So you’re into guys that you could probably pick up on the street? Site owner Bryan Ockert has curated the biggest group of “everyday guys” on the web, and all of these mostly straight men are ready to pump cum in your sloppy hole.

Daddies

Raging Stallion: We’re including “daddies,” “older dudes,” and “dudes that look older” in one category. It doesn’t matter which one you’re looking for, though, because Raging Stallion is home to all three types. Often hairy, muscular, and rough, these experienced studs really know how to fuck like real men.

Dirty Tony: They may not have children, but the daddies at Dirty Tony are some for the record books. Totally legit “straight dudes” that always look pissed off provide some intense fucking sessions. Extra points for heavy scruff and tons of tattoos.

High Performance Men: The name really says it all. Have you seen Carnal Desire?!

Big Dicks

Sean Cody: If you’re looking for a giant dick that knows how to fuck you senseless, look no further than Sean Cody. Almost every site has its fair share of huge cocks, but everyone at Sean Cody is working with some serious meat. And as an added bonus, these giant dicks usually serve deep creampies.

Euro Sluts

Bel Ami Online: There’s no contest when it comes to European porn. Bel Ami will forever reign as the king of Eastern Europe, though others continue to challenge them. Gigantic cocks, unrealistically beautiful settings, and lots of cum; what more could a boy ask for?

UK Naked Men: Any site that heavily features Paddy O’Brian is alright in our book.

Blake Mason: Like an old, trusted friend, Blake Mason has been pumping out consistently sexy scenes for years now. They may not be as polished as they’re competitors, but that doesn’t mean their sex isn’t hot.

Piss

Lucas Entertainment: Michael Lucas is undeniably the king of piss. He’s devoted an entire brand to the raunchier things in life, and his piss-guzzling army of jacked, foreign men will make you want to drink pee like it’s water.

Fraternity X: We just wanted to remind you of that amazing piss scene FraternityX did.

Follow Bradford Matthews on Twitter

While we were busy stuffing our faces and Corbin Fisher was busy stuffing Connor’s asshole, the boys at FraternityX were having a true fraternity Thanksgiving feast that was rather…unconventional. None of these boys seem to have the recipe for roasted bird, so they fuel up on cold beer and roast the next best thing: Grant.

These boys are so serious about feasting on Thanksgiving that they’ve even shoved an apple in Grant’s mouth, tied him up, and put him face-down on the carving block like a true turkey. He’s one seriously thirsty cum slut, so in addition to taking three raw loads from his fellow frat pledges, Grant’s hole is being poked, prodded, and filled to capacity with a turkey baster full of the threesome’s first loads. Feel free to thank the FraternityX boys for discovering the cheapest way to satisfy the world’s hungriest sluts.

We know there are two things Grant loves in this world: cum and degradation. This is probably his piggiest scene ever, and we’re glad our favorite frat bitch is getting copious amounts of the things he loves on Thanksgiving.

The only other thing you should notice is the HOT new guy in the white t-shirt. We’re pretty sure this is his first FraternityX cameo appearance, but that fat dick and energetic sexual banter already has us groveling at his feet.

We don’t know who this man is, or if the cum in the turkey baster is actually real, but we are certain of one thing: this kitchen is going to fail the next health department inspection.

· Watch Grant get fucked full of cum at FraternityX (FraternityX.com)

Follow Bradford Matthews on Twitter

The “giving season” has arrived, and now that you’ve assessed everything you’re thankful for, it’s time to get to work on treating yourself for the holidays. No one can love you like your favorite pornstar can, so why not throw some of your hard earned cash his way? He’s not the only one that has to make the car payment on time!

Luckily for you, gay porn studios are celebrating Cyber Monday (you know, because an in-house Black Friday sale with real-life models could get nasty) by slashing prices and offering dramatic deals for your favorite sites. Buy one or ten, but hurry—sales end today!

Men.com

Deal: $5 off monthly plan, bringing your monthly total to $25. Includes access to sub-sites  Jizz Orgy, Drill My Hole, and more!
Reason to join: Not bad, considering their five exclusive sites are updated daily, and new exclusives Donny Wright and Duncan Black were just signed.

Randy Blue

Deal: RB is chopping their most popular monthly packages from $29.95 (reg. $39.95), and their four-month package is now $59.95 (reg. 74.95).
Reason to join: Randy Blue is a gentle giant that pumps out consistent scenes featuring boy-next-door-gone-bad boys like Jake Andrews and Nicco Sky. New models like Ian Parker, Skylar West, Matt Castro and Austin Wolf are sure to blow your mind on a monthly basis.

UK Naked Men & subsites

Deal: $1 for 24 hours
Reason to join: WTF, are you crazy? You only have to pay one dollar to download every Paddy O’Brian video and browse hunky Brits for 24 hours. You’ll also get access to Bareback That Hole, Butch Dixon, Breed Me Raw, and Eurocreme.

Falcon Studios

Deal: 50% off. Access special sub-sites including Jocks Studios
Reason to join: Come on, it’s Falcon Studios. It’s the king of quality porn that actually makes your favorite pornstars look better than they do anywhere else. Plus, our Fleshbot Husband Paddy O’Brian is prominently featured, and everyone’s favorite cum whore Ray Diaz signed on as an exclusive this summer.

Next Door sites

Deal: 50% off. Access to sub-sites including Next Door Twink and Next Door Buddies
Reason to join: The Next Door Exclusives sites may be dead, but we still expect good things from the site that brought us Samuel O’Toole’s funky socks and Jackson Taylor’s spitroast. Bryan Cole getting fucked in the locker room is reason enough to join.

Dominic Ford

Deal: $14 for one month, recurring at $24.95/month.
Reason to join: Get access to full episodes of So You Think You Can Fuck, a game show that guarantees A+ performances from your favorites.

Corbin Fisher

Deal: Up to 30% off their monthly price, or $17.95 recurring for life if purchasing the 90-day option.
Reason to join: This is an insane offer coming from Corbin Fisher. Being the most elusive studio of them all, Corbin Fisher is kind of like the cool-kids club of the industry, and those willing to pay big are rewarded handsomely with truly exclusive straight boys that will do almost anything you want. Also—have you seen Six Shooter? Get to work.

Follow Bradford Matthews on Twitter

It’s Turkey Day! When you’re finished griping about your loud extended family in the living room and drinking yourself into a holiday stupor, take a seat at the computer and let your pants hit the floor. There’s plenty to be thankful for, but we’re most thankful for the porn pals that keep us company year-round.

While they gobble up cock and put their ass in casserole, Fleshbot sexperts Bradford Matthews and Neil O’Hare are sitting down to bless the best year yet by naming the dirty things gay Fleshbot is thankful for this year.

Don’t stuff yourself too much in one sitting!

Pass-Around Party Bottoms

Bradford: Who doesn’t love an insatiable slut? The pass-around party bottom will never tell you to stop, and encourages foreign objects, double penetration, and taking the gang’s loads á la bukkake style (which doesn’t even stop the good ones).

Those that practice hard enough are rewarded with hours of endless fucking like the notorious Benny G, a revolving door of dick like the young Helix whores, or a hundred raw creampies like Corbin Fisher’s resident cum king Dawson. It’s alright if you’re a little rusty at first—submissive cum pigs and filthy whores like Ray Diaz aren’t made overnight.

Neil: An honorable mention is in order here for the always coveted spitroast bottom pig who begs and squeals to take it from every angle.

Amateur Underwear Models

Neil: Mark Wahlberg and Alexander Skarsgard might get paid big bucks to pose in their Calvins, but plenty of regular dudes are smokin’ when they drop trou. And unlike these gay-list celebs, who granted show their fair share of skin, our favorite amateur underwear studs actually beat out a load for us too. Sporting everything from tie-dye bikinis to classic jockstraps and tighty whities—real men in their skivvies make our hearts and cocks go pitter-patter.

Bradford: I’ve always thought that proper underwear can make or break your amateur career. While many of us won’t always look as sexy as Colby Melvin or Nicco Sky while doing a sexy underwear floor-crawl for our man, watching the pros model underwear is where you’ll learn the tricks of the trade. Fleshbot Boyfriends Johan Akan and Miguel Matorell had to start somewhere, and you know every AussieBum model has a library of homemade shots on his iPhone.

GIFs

Bradford: The animated GIF is often overlooked, but may be one of the most powerful and sexually-charged marketing tools since the two-minute trailer and behind-the-scenes footage.

How else would we be able to show you all the delicious creampies, real life celebrity dick, and washed up celebrity dick you don’t want to pay for? If we couldn’t prove how blatantly gooey Sean Cody creampies are with GIFs, you would never have started worshipping Jarek or crafting a Coner voodoo doll.

Neil: AMEN.

Real Public Sex Acts

Neil: A lot of studios film scenes in locker rooms or sets made to look like glory holes in public restrooms, but it takes real cojones to go out in the real world and film yourself doing it. In a real bathroom with your boyfriend, in your neighbor’s yard, or even in a clearing off an English country road with two of your closest friends—these guys are not afraid to take risks, and we thank them for their brave moves and fearless dicks.

Bradford: Nothing beats the breeze on your taint when you’re getting railed in the backyard or a splash of chlorine on your naked dick at the pool. For those not-so-adventurous types, pretending your homemade glory hole is actually at your favorite club can be loads of fun too!

Fleshjack

Bradford: Lets be honest—not everyone is skilled enough to snag a perky bottom when they need to get their rocks off, and although it’s always available, the palm of your right hand will never feel like an authentic butthole. Having a wild night in with your Fleshjack can be just as fun as fooling around with a WeHo go-go boy, and it certainly won’t push you away or scream like its being hit by a flatbed truck. Once you learn the ‘smash-it-between-two-pillows’ trick, you’ll be set for life.

Porn By Special Request

Neil: One of our favorite things about amateur porn (among our many, MANY favorite things) is the occasional video made by special request. Whether beating off solely for the eyes of that special someone, dressing up like a cowboy simply due to popular demand, or fulfilling a fan’s birthday wish for a pair of cum-stained undies—the number of generous, accommodating dudes willing to go the extra mile to bring smiles to our faces and boners to our pants deserve a special toast on this day of thanks.

Bradford: These amateur hoes are hot, but you can’t forget the charitable stars that also fuck their fans by request! The juicy faces fans make when their idols are slippin’ in their backside are priceless, and while most of them aren’t chosen in a “fuck this pornstar” contest, mostly all of them go above-and-beyond the call of duty to please these pros.

Body Hair

Bradford: Naked mole rats are so 2003 MTV Spring Break. If you’re expecting us to consume your “real men” porno, we’re not buying it unless that “real man” is covered in a thick, luscious rug. We’re not looking to get lost in your tangled weave, but we wouldn’t mind running our fingers through Jimmy Fanz’s forest, getting Paddy O’Brian’s wiry tummy hairs caught in our teeth, or diving face-first into Josh Long’s fuzzy cheeks.

Neil: Agreed. There’s nothing better than a bear with perfectly placed fur, except maybe a ripped hairy daddy… or a young jock with perfect ab-pubes. Or a muscle god covered in a light dusting of soft down. Or two of them fucking.

Surprises

Neil: Sometimes all it takes is that special little something jumping out of a routine homemade porno to really make it pop. From a mysterious helping hand reaching in to spice up a solo, to a sneaky house pet peeking in when we least expect it—every surprise is like Christmas coming early, or even three guys cumming all over each other.

Bradford: Ah, the oldest trick in the book is also the hottest. Clutching your pearls while watching porn is the highest form of flattery, and the only things that makes us gasp more than rival pornstars hate-fucking each other are the surprise flip-fuck and the dude that cums more than THREE times.

Neil:  By the way Bradford, that’s a lovely pearl necklace you’re wearing. I’ve got one just like it on my XXXMas list this year.

Clothing

Bradford: The only thing sexier than a naked man is a half-naked man that keeps his clothes on before climbing into bed. There’s something about a man too busy to undress that drives us wild, and luckily for us, pornstars keep their clothes on more often than you’d expect.

• Socks and shoes: Whether you’re wearing your favorite technicolor dream tubes or a standard ankle sock, it’s really the easiest item to keep on (and the most difficult to find under the bed when you’re finished). We award bonus points for boys who wear sneakers to bed, because the only thing we love more than a hard dick is a limited edition hi-top.

• Underwear: It’s easy to get fucked in a jockstrap, but only the best can manage to pound a hole in a pair of Hanes boxer briefs. You can try it at home, but nothing beats getting fucked in the locker room in your sweaty gym undies.

• Shirts: Be careful, it’s easy to end up looking like a creepy site owner if you choose the wrong sex shirt. Your attitude is key while wearing sex shirts—try playing “the man in charge” or “the asshole frat boy.” There’s a lot of things you can do with a shirt, but frat boys almost always win.

• Pants: Believe it! Some guys can reach completion without even unbuttoning their pants! (Okay, you may have to unbutton your pants for this one.)

Neil: Oh, this dude gets it done without so much as unbuttoning his shorts, at work.

Twitter

Bradford: You can’t properly be obsessed with a pornstar unless you follow their every move on Twitter; it’s like following real celebrities, except these guys openly promote their sex tapes. Without the magical stalking service, we would have never known Danny Palick is a kazillionaire, what Bryan Cole is listening to at the gym, which cute studio assistants may be fucking the employees, or Paddy O’Brian’s love for premium kush.

There’s a lot to learn on Twitter, but nothing beats the live pornstar meltdown or the gratuitous noodz you can’t find anywhere else.

Neil: Xtube sensation and Spunk Lube creater STR8cam Jeff lets us in on his every waking move, just in case you’re wondering what he’s eating for Thanksgiving dinner, or how often he walks his dog.

It’s that special time of year—can you feel it in the air? Today is Halloween, which is the most important holiday because we’re allowed to leave the house as “slutty Hurricane Sandy” and be totally hip instead of insensitive. After all, it’s the one night every year that a girl can dress slutty and no other girls can say anything about it. Thanks for the tip, Regina George.

Whether you’re going as a sexy pirate like Bryan Cole, a bitter man in a dress like Chi Chi LaRue, or some indecipherable creature you invented with $20 and 30 minutes in the clearance aisle at Pearl River Market like Brent Corrigan, there’s one thing that unites us all on All Hallow’s Eve. At the end of the night, we’re all coming home to jerk off to the same hot Halloween porn.

So what’s the best flick to pop in after a night of trick-or-treating? We found the best scenes so you don’t have to:

CockyBoys- The Haunting

We were excited to learn that the site’s hottest assets, Arnaud Chagall and newcomer Dillon Rossi were going to be getting it on in the spooky short film, The Haunting, but nothing could prepare us for the dick-tickling site of Jake Steel in bed with the two.

We’re really digging the short films CockyBoys has been producing lately, and The Haunting is no exception. The beautiful camerawork and award-worthy editing style have pushed the studio even higher up the industry’s ladder, and site owner Jake Jaxson (who directed the scene) is really proving himself as a porno top-dog with this one. We could write a 20 page essay about CockyBoys revolutionizing the way we watch porn (and maybe we will…), but until we do, The Haunting is just something you have to see to believe.

We’re also happy to see these three studs paired up without the usual one-trick ponies Max Ryder, Gabriel Clark or Jake Bass. We love all CockyBoys equally (except for Arnaud Chagall—we love him most), but it’s refreshing to see three fresh studs in action every now and then.

· Watch The Haunting only at CockyBoys (CockyBoys.com)

Randy Blue- Makeout Point

Randy Blue has consistently been producing hot Halloween porn probably more than any other major studio. Watching new RB porn is our second favorite Halloween tradition behind eating absurd amounts of candy while watching RB Halloween porn.

Makout Point doesn’t make sense, but we don’t watch Randy Blue for storylines. It’s mostly just an excuse to watch Jordan Levine fuck Ian Parker outdoors for 20 minutes while Cameron Marshall jerks off in the bushes. It’s pretty hot, but the ending will piss you off. There are unwritten rules when it comes to producing any kind of film, and making out with a stranger over your boyfriend’s dead body is a total boner-killer in our book.

· Watch Makeout Point only on Randy Blue (RandyBlue.com)

Men.com- Masked Men 2

Oh look, six guys having sex in an abandoned warehouse. Nothing to see here, folks. At least they had the decency to finally put a fucking mask on Tommy Defendi. Ugh.

· Watch this five-man masked gang bang only on Men.com (Men.com)

Dominic Ford- Gay Pagan Seance

Dominic Ford’s scene is so exclusive, they haven’t even released it yet! Their “Gay Pagan Seance,” which is set to release at midnight tonight (when the moon is full) includes some kind of Pagan ritual and a conjured spirit. Or something like that. We can’t quite make out the faces of the scene’s stars, but that’s only because we’re totally freaked out by voodoo shit. Have you seen The Skeleton Key?

We’ll have to see the scene when it comes out to place final judgement, but we at least hope the Jumanji drums  were only dubbed in for the YouTube trailer.

· Check Dominic Ford at midnight for the full scene! (DominicFord.com)

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Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo, where folks get wasted on Corona and margaritas in the name of Mexican heritage, regardless of what culture they are. For us, it’s a celebration of Latin men from Mexico to Argentina. It doesn’t matter where they’re from, as long as they ooze machismo. Here’s where you can find your Latino stud.

Photog Justin Monroe gets the credit for concocting the term “Pink-Hole de Mayo.” His spicy photospread celebrating the holiday sets our lust burning like the fire of a hundred jalapeños. Models Jordano Santoro and Flex (yes, just “Flex”) romp about on a set left over from Valentine’s Day. It sort of fits, because all we’re thinking about is making looooove.

If these hombres aren’t enough to satisfy your craving for Latin cuisine, the following sites will help you hit your piñata.

Maximo Latino: No matter what flavor of Latin you seek, this site has it — from muscle to twink, from light skin to dark, from smooth to hairy.

Miami Boyz: A bare bones site showcasing sexy amateur men like you’d lust for around town. They look like they were just discovered acting all sexy and shit right before the shoot. The very definition of “Aye, Papi!”

Papi Cock: Filled to the brim with young Latinos and Blatinos guaranteed to set your heart a fuego.

· Happy Cinco de Pink-Hole (monroe-land.com)

Photog provocateur Justin Monroe took this series of festive springtime photos. If only there were a video to see if Bunny Skye really did squeeze an egg out of his ass. Is it live, or is it Photoshop? The kinky details make this spread better than anything created by Hallmark. The pink gardening gloves. The shredded nest on the bed. The red fishnets. Kudos to the shot of the egg flying out midair. We love the one of Bunny Skye about to crouch back up to sit on his babies.

We’d gladly help Bunny Skye incubate anytime. (Errrrr…that doesn’t sound as hot as we thought it would.)

· A GIFT FROM THE “EASTER BUNNY” & JUSTIN MONROE (monroe-land.com)

[Show as slideshow]

Tomorrow is that most Irish of holidays, when Irishmen and non alike get rip-roaring drunk while wearing anything green they can dig up. The color on our mind, however, is red. That glorious hair that mesmerizes us with its radiant technicolor hue. No place is it more stunning than around a dick, like a burst of flame atop a creamy white cock. Let’s look at the reddest pubes in porn today.

Connor Maguire
He’s only appeared in a handful of scenes on various sites, but his allure is clear. Connor Maguire’s raw masculinity is only tempered by his dark mandarin pubes. His is the type that, depending on light and shading, could look more of a deep mahogany, like the rest of his body hair.

Kennedy Carter
The Brit boy wonder possesses a fiery lion’s mane of bright ginger pubic hair. His penis looks like the Phoenix rising up to triumphantly satisfy the desires of all horny men in need.

Riley Price and Rick McCoy
When this duo had sex together, it was an explosion of dark redness that set the screen aflame. Both Riley and Rick have a deceptive redness, one that looks a dirty blond or a faded brown, until the light hits it juuuuuust so. Then those hints of red glimmer like ginger gold in the spectator’s pan.

Blaine and Shey
Like two candles that burn brightly and die, Sean Cody’s two latest redheads did solo scenes each, then blew away. Their red pubes are classic, almost colorless against their pale bodies. Even nicer, all their body hair is red, like a morning pastry dusty with cinnamon.

James Jamesson
Hands down the brightest-hued ginger in porn today is James Jamesson. Have those pubes been photoshopped for maximum contrast? They’re a bright red beacon, blinding the eye that can’t help but stare at its beauty. His entire crotch shines like a giant ruby, beckoning you to reach out and rub it. How we’d love to run our fingers through those pubic locks. This weekend, may we all find the ginger of our dreams.