In non-gay-for-pay news, Raging Stallion stud…

Shortlin3, we have loved you (for a) long time. So far, said lovin’ has been only via the interweb—but now that we’ve seen your latest Xtube video, we’re considering a pilgrimage to Fredericksburg to see you in person. The only thing that keeps us from hopping in the car right now is (a) we don’t drive, (b) those pesky stalking laws, and (c) your disturbing fondness for MySpace English. Seriously, a little part of us dies every time you and your peer group use words like “B3@T” and “dicC” and “loob”. Perhaps you should toddle down the street and spend some time with your friendly local grammarian? He or she would be more than happy to take your language skills in hand. We, however, would like to take other parts in hand (repeatedly, even) as you do so eloquently in this remarkable clip. Let’s watch it together, shall we?

We don’t get to talk about sex toys too often on…

There are lots of things we like about Xtube showoff BHF_rocksmysocks: he’s cute, he’s got a great body, and he’s packing a whole Oktoberfest’s worth of braunschweiger in his pants. (Also: he doesn’t wear pants.) Furthermore, he’s bi, and he rocks out to the Flaming Lips and Ladytron, so you know he likes mixing it up. And one of his biggest turn-offs is “people who lie very still during sex”. Which begs the question: what doll-downing downer would just lay there with this hottie in their bed? There is one things that annoys us about BHF, though: he’s in the UK, and we are not. Good thing we can watch and enjoy anyway. And so can you!

Sad news from Japan: an arsonist set fire to…

Do you ever wonder why people in Europe have so much time to socialize and generally enjoy life more than their North American counterparts? The answer is simple: espresso! How else would Francesco D’Macho and Damien Crosse have the time and energy to maintain their hectic performance schedules and launch their own Spanish-based XXX studio–one that’s planning to produce steamy scenes featuring boatloads of porn studs from Europe, North America, and South America? We seriously don’t know. But we can only hope that Madrid’s supply of caffeine doesn’t dry up before StagHomme.com launches on October 8. Check the muy guapo trailer for its first feature “While the City Watches” after the jump.

So when was the last time we featured a heterosexual, twinkish, tattooed Asian rocker in our “Today in Masturbation” segment? Maybe never! However, we love TheSneakyOne’s screenname. We also love that he hates boring, quiet sex. And now that we know he’s turned off by all things Abercrombie/Hollister…well, where do we sign up? Oh, right. The straight thing. Well we can still look, can’t we? Check it after the jump.

Oh Erik Rhodes, what are we going to do with you?

As Team Fleshbot huddled before the magical teletype machine for our morning news fix, we got to thinking: “Here we are deep into election season and not one sex tape of any candidate has surfaced. Clearly, someone has fallen down on the job, because given vast number of dolts running for office we feel pretty confident that at least one of them has hit the ON button in bed. Heck, even web-unsavvy John McCain should know how to operate a Super-8!” (Yes, our internal monologues tend to be that long.) Which, in turn begged the question: which politically themed sex tape would we like to see–specifically, which gay sex tape? And oh, how our wheels began to turn …

Flickr user barbatulus has a great eye for…

Do you like cocks? Specifically: big ones? We thought you might! Which is why we were so happy (for you, of course) when we stumbled across amateur showoff Milhomes and his enormo-schlong. We’re not sure where he lives, but his Continental flair suggests he’s holed-up somewhere across the pond. Who says everything’s smaller in Europe? For our friends in the Western Hemisphere, here’s a look at what you’re missing …

We never really had a chance to develop a proper…

Here’s a sentence we’ve never typed before:…

Eurohottie Roland Dane has seen a lot of action…

Take a look at your favorite dildo. (Go ahead, we’ll wait.) Now, tell us: is it made from sensual and firm “SensaFirm Material”? Is it hand painted, with attention paid to every vein and crevice? Is it eight inches long and six inches around and molded from the cock of one of your favorite porn stars? Then you may already know the pleasures of the Johnny Hazzard Cock! But did you also know that this delectable schlong substitute has a dark side? It’s true! On his blog, the owner of the prototype looks back on the fateful day of his engooping in 2005 and recounts the harrowing story of its creation, which involved one hospital gown, one gang of technicians of non-English-speaking origin, and abundant fluorescent lighting. Imagine trying to maintain a full erection during a root canal, and that’s pretty much what our man had to endure …

Dominik Rider, we owe you an apology: we took a…