July 26, 2019 | Posted in Editorial Features by
I know that "long time no see," but I really don't have anyone else to talk about this, since I promised to keep it a secret, and I need to hear someone else's opinion besides Dan Savage's. So... hypothetically: What does one do when he falls in love with his fuck buddy, if feelings have never been taken into consideration when discussing the terms of their sexual relationship?
- Lovestruck Coworker
Dear Lovestruck Coworker,
Something funny about humans: We all have needs that are very real and valid, yet instead of expecting or striving for those needs to be met, we often take it upon ourselves to invalidate them. We have a need, and then we squelch it. We call it silly, or we measure ourselves against someone who doesn't have our need - at that particular point in time - and assume that we're in the wrong. That we're the one being overly dramatic. Needs for physical or emotional comfort, sex, a certain type of relationship, alone time, time with friends, time with a lover, relaxation, stimulation, etc. - these are real. And we deserve them as our lives call for them.
My point is that you are miserable enough to reach out to discount Queer Abby as well as real Queer Abby because you are in love with your fuck buddy. This seems painful, and I feel for you. Your next step is to assess your need. Do you need to be in a love relationship with him to be happy? If not, you're golden. Carry on. If you do, take the steps to see if a love relationship is a possibility. If it is not, and if you don't see your feelings changing anytime soon (my gut tells me they won't) you should leave this fuck buddy relationship. If it doesn't meet your needs, you don't need it.
This is just my personal take, so please Fleshbot friends and family (you know who you are) get in touch with your inner Queer Abby and help out our friend in the comments!
Also, remember to send your questions into Queer Abby by emailing email@example.com OR by filling out the new and anonymous Queer Abby Google Form!