November 5, 2018 | Posted in Editorial Features by
It’s no secret to anyone living in the 21st century that dating is hard as fuck! You have to deal with the lack of communication, the multitude of options that are open to your partner with the age of dating apps and social media, and of course the fact that many people just want sex with no commitment or feelings. These problems are seemingly intensified in the gay community. It’s no secret that men aren’t emotionally attached to their sex as women typically are. This can present a multitude of issues in gay relationships, especially those of us seeking a committed monogamous relationship.
Michael Buckley is a middle-aged divorcee who knows a thing or two about maneuvering the landscape of the gay lifestyle as he constantly dishes out his opinion and past experiences on his Gayhub page. Recently he talked about his perspective on dating and his choice to not look at other’s actions, but rather what he was willing to bring to the table and what he was looking for. It is important that we understand that we cannot control the actions of other people. We can only be accountable for our actions and reactions.
In the Michael Buckley video posted to his Gayhub channel he talks about how he went on a quest to delete his apps and internalize what he was expecting from his dating life. Haven't we all reached the point where we get tired of the bullshit?! I know I've been there. After having been married it is easy to understand how one will have a totally different outlook on what dating should look like for them and what they expect after a failed forever. Michael realized that he didn’t need the dates with strangers. Buckley expresses his goal as “nurturing friendships and having great sex.” People get so caught up in having a type, but Buckley explains that we can develop feelings for anyone as the heart is controlled by the mind and we have the power to control it. Setting your sights on one type that is apparently bringing you back no results is an indicator that you should look elsewhere for your soulmate.
The stress of figuring out whom you will spend time with, who you’ll have sex with, and who will you develop a bond with can be overwhelming. Michael Buckley finds this stress to be irrelevant and counterproductive as he only takes responsibility for how he maneuvers his dating life. That is an important takeaway because all too often I see my friends taking other people’s actions to heart and internalizing them. We are all individuals and we have to wear our own transgressions that we put out into the universe. You got me fucked up if you think I’m going to internalize why someone who won’t communicate their feelings is ghosting me, growing more and more distant with no inclination of a problem, or acting in a manner that is unbecoming of someone I’d want in my life.
Dating can be a very daunting task and a trying ordeal, but tenacity and patience can yield the results you’re hoping for. We can’t ignore our human core that longs for intimacy and bonding with a significant other, however many of us are deciding to not go through the ordeal at all. Michael Buckley does believe in love and that is indeed possible with all of the threats that are prevalent when one decides to take the initiative to date. Though the risk is massive, the reward will continue to bring joy and happiness to your life for a long time. Even when the love fades, the memories of those feelings and happy moments will serve as the fuel to get you going again in hopes of finding that feeling again.
Has there ever been a time that you felt dating in the gay community was hopeless? Have you been the problematic person who has caused an issue in your prospective partner’s life? Are you currently sitting on the sidelines refusing to date? Are you scarred from past experiences that make you trepidant about jumping back out there? Let’s have a chat in the comments!