Will You Go To Hell For Thinking These Men’s Luge Dick Bulges Are Fap-Worthy?

February 12, 2018
HIS_EXCELLENCY

I never want to check my shameless amoral unholy and reprehensible coverage of hot dudes and their thick juicy throbbing dicks at the door, but so much is being said about the sexualization of cock bulges at the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games that I feel the need to address said controversy over said penises.

Basically, so far this year's Games have been 10% Johnny Weir's hair and 90% the outfits worn by the male luge competitors. Their dicks and balls are so freakishly visible that frankly prime time is rivaling Tumblr in providing fap-worthy material, but the acknowledgment of wanting to fit these packages inside your mouth might mean that you're a piece of shit.

So, a piece of shit am I? These athletes (including gorgeous USA medalist Chris Mazdzer) might not necessarily want to be sexualized, even though if they aren't aware that we can teach an anatomy lesson using their team pics they must be completely oblivious. The Gay Internet sexualizes rugby players to within an inch of their lives and the Twink British Olympic Divers Sex Club accounts for a good portion of the coverage of the Summer Olympics, but from what I see online, luge penises are the line that maybe cannot be crossed.

For example, commenters replying to Buzzfeed's article "11 Men's Luge Bulges That All Deserve Gold Medals" all but want writer Julie Gerstein's head. Ever since Donald Trump uttered the romantic sentiment "Grab 'em by the pussy" things have been different, but what about appreciating da bussy? I'm feeling too fragile today to be cyberbullied, so I wanted to leave this up for you guys to discuss. But I am including pics of the bulges. Just for reference OKAY?!

Me yesterday: "Wait so like what is 'luge' anyway?"
Me today, sobbing: "Luge is probably the most important thing in my life after water and air." pic.twitter.com/jSFohvTNno
— Tim Federle (@TimFederle) February 10, 2018