File this under: barf. As you may remember, a couple of days ago your genitals crawled inside your body when you saw Justin Bieber's dick and balls photographed while he was on vacation in Bora Bora with model Jayde Pierce. I feel bad about splashing it all over your screen last week, so before I refresh your memory on Justin's junk I'm going to give you some breathing room in case you want to turn back.
YOU CAN STILL TURN BACK
YOU OTTER PROCEED WITH CAUTION
And boom goes the dynamite
Three relatively unsurprising things and one horrifying thing happened after these photos of a naked Justin were taken. First, Justin and his team became pissed because his privacy was invaded, and planned to sue the paps. They then halted plans to take legal action because allegedly Justin Bieber is over the moon that the world knows he has a big dick. My guess is that his team views this as good publicity, because there's a chance that at least .2% of the world stopped thinking about JB as a sea cucumber that reproduces by budding. Stars, they're just like us - they have genitals! Although thinking of Justin thinking of the world ogling his junk is a real weiner shrinker, it's not a real shocker. He's no Ken Jeong.
The really fucked up thing to come out of this is Justin's piece of turd father's reaction to the reveal of his dong. Papa Bieber took to his twitter to give his 1 cent on his son's nude photos, saying (WARNING: this content may be disturbing for some viewers):
BLEH! That is one of the cutest emoticons, and I feel like it's being molested by that heinous sentence next to it. The fact that Justin Bieber's dad Googled his son's dick and looked at it long enough to form an opinion is beyond me, and the fact that over 0 people favorited the tweet is a sad day for the world.
Justin's foul father is receiving the best flack from all over the internet for saying that he's crazy into his son's big penis. Although there are a lot of winners out there right now, well besides father Bieb, Bette Midler takes the cake for commentary on her Twitter:
.@justinbieber dad tweeted he's proud of his son's penis size. I think the biggest dick in this situation is the dad who abandoned his son.— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) October 10, 2015
Hahaha. You've been Midlered. While Justin hopefully searches for a new father you should keep your Twitter feed open, because this shit is hilarious.