Map: States Where Sucking Cock, Eating Pussy Is Illegal; Corpse Fucking Isn’t

Louisiana officially kept sodomy illegal this week in the state where the omni-erotic bacchanal of Mardi Gras goes down, where Girls Gone Wild girls go particularly wild, and gargantuan racked redhead porn dynamo Mz. Berlin first came naked into the world. It's also the birthplace of Richard Simmons and the state bird is the brown pelican, so you can write your own joke connecting those two lusty Louisiana factoids.

Image: Mz. Berlin

Sodomy is popularly thought of as penetrative anal sex—and why shouldn't that be popular?—but the technical definition of the term (named for the Biblical city of non-procreative intercourse enthusiasts) extends as well to mouthing meat, chowing box, nibbling nads, and/or lapping ass-hatch.

Curiously (although, toss our Tabasco, not bi-curiously), the birth state of Ellen Degeneres, America's best-loved devotee of the cunnilingual arts, has chosen to legally re-up its ban on certain commonplace physical acts of affection (or at least desire) between consenting adults… yet there's no law in Louisiana against necrophilia.

Gawker created a handy-glandy map of other U.S. states that boast this surprising double standard, and drew attention to three salient sodomistic points:

• In Louisiana and North Carolina, two willing adults can't get no oral satisfaction, but they can diddle a dead person.

• Oklahoma and Kansas are also cool with you banging the dearly departed, but they ban oral intercourse between consenting gay or lesbian partners.

• For the record, several other states—Nebraska, New Mexico, and Vermont—also appear to allow necrophilia, but they're cool with sodomy, too, so at least they're consistent.

The odd fact is that many states prosecute sex assaults against the departed by invoking existing charges on the order of "crimes against nature"—which, apparently, is where Louisiana lawmakers would stick the transgression of a dick going up someone's ass faster and more ferociously than they might ghoulish fornication with the permanently non-orgasmic.

Image: Blue Blood

As Gawker further explains:

The problem is that "the dead body is a quasi-subject before the law," according to legal theorist John Troyer in his landmark 2008 journal article on the subject, and "the ambiguous juridical standing of the human corpse in necrophilia cases compounds the sexual monstrousness of the necrophiliac and of necrophilic acts."

Yes. In the meantime, as long as you're not in Louisiana or a like-minded anti-licking province, keep making a mouthful of whatever mound makes you most moist. And even if you are, A. You can just keep doing it anyway, and B. you can suck and fuck with the amusing knowledge that Girls and Corpses magazine may well be on the way to functioning as your home state's official erotic literature.

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