Now that you know What Makes You Beautiful, and all the Little Things your favorite One Direction man loves about your icky teenage body, it’s time to lean in for a big “Kiss” to show them how much you love them in return. Just don’t be surprised when their lips are covered in the sweet taste of another man’s dick, because this new music video is undeniable proof of the band’s homosexuality.
The song isn’t as catchy as their previous hits, but then again, we had the video muted and played gratuitous gay sex banter in the background while jerking off. It’s a lot more satisfying than you’d think, given the fact that ALL FIVE BOYS ARE SHIRTLESS AT ONE POINT.
And that’s not the only gay thing going on here. Just check out all the fancy, limp-writsted shit we noticed in “the music video blockbuster that’s causing a splash!”
1. A not-so-subtle nipple tweak:
2. The extremely gay group photo sesh for the Aspen’s Gay Ski Weekend:
3. Zayn getting snowballed:
4. This extremely heterosexual group dance:
5. *Insert seamen joke here*:
6. Zayn trying out a new sexual position with his boyfriend:
7. Recreating Chicago‘s “Cell Block Tango”:
8. Taking baby out of the corner with a Dirty Dancing tribute:
9. Nipple play!:
10. THE KISS. THE KISS!:
If you need more convincing after that, you’re probably also a closeted homosexual.