There’s a lot to keep in mind when photographing straight models for gay porn. You’ve got to make them look gay enough to fuck each other, but straight enough to maintain the “fantasy” market. We’re sure porn giant Corbin Fisher has a team of hair stylists, makeup artists, fluffers, chefs and personal assistants, so why, god, do they allow the models to bring their own underwear?!
Sure, Riley and Harley aren’t the ugliest birds in the tree, but their foul choice of underthings is just leaving the worst taste in our mouths—even after the threads come off, those awful garbage bags are just burned into our memory.
The first offense: Riley’s choice of underwear comes courtesy of American Eagle’s home goods section, because we’re not sure where else you’d buy an American Eagle shower curtain. Straight men think AE’s sassy colors and “edgy” cuts are stylish right now, so they end up purchasing boxer briefs in 20-packs. Assorted colors, of course. And Riley, honey—horizontal stripes don’t work for anyone. Anywhere. And no, they don’t make your dick look bigger.
The second offense: We don’t expect much from a pair of skivvies that were obviously an impulse purchase in the checkout line at Home Depot, but this high-waisted diaper is something more worthy of an elderly man’s deathbed than Corbin Fisher’s fuckbed. Is there room for a bedpan in the back, too? When you have a set of washboard abs like that, it should be a crime to wear something so unflattering.
We’re not asking you to go to Frederick’s of Hollywood or anything, but next time it’s “Bring Your Underwear To Work Day,” we suggest having the models remove their clothing completely before the scene turns into a Depends photoshoot.